


Cherries & Champagne vs. Strawberries & Bourbon

by justmarcialima



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, Flirting, Innuendo, Post-Library River Song, River is a flirt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 15:43:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18471991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justmarcialima/pseuds/justmarcialima
Summary: The Doctor takes the fam to a spa where Yaz meets an enticing woman and begins to flirt with her.She just doesn't realize that the woman in question is the Doctor's wife.





	Cherries & Champagne vs. Strawberries & Bourbon

**Author's Note:**

> The title looks way more salacious then the this fanfic actually is lol 
> 
> In this the 13 Doctor and River have already met but she haven't met the fam yet. 
> 
> Please leave kudos and comments if you like. Any mistakes are mine.

It had been a tough couple of weeks for the Team Tardis lately. Somehow all places that they ended up in – planned or not – someone eventually tried to kill them. Only last week they had been chased by giant bees, a race of blue aliens that wanted to capture and eat them and somehow also ended up in the middle of the Spanish Inquisition. They were tired and aching in places that they didn’t even knew it was possible to be hurting. That was why the Doctor decided to treat her fam and landed the TARDIS in the biggest and most luxurious spa in the Galaxy, called The Orion. 

“Are you sure this isn’t one of those places that has a catch?” Yaz asked as she looked around in marvel at the posh space. The place exuded opulence with its marble floors, white walls and crystal chandeliers that Yaz still wasn’t sure if it was made of actual diamonds or not. 

“Of course not, Yaz!” The Doctor said confidently, placing her hands on her hips. But again, she always was confident a place wasn’t going to try to kill them right before that was exactly what happened. “This place is perfectly safe.” 

“You always say that and then we are suddenly mauled by a pack of angry cybernetic bears.” Ryan complained. Yep, that had happened to them that very week as well. 

“Oi! That was one time!” She huffed at his general direction and Ryan rolled his eyes, refraining from sticking his tongue towards her in a childish act. 

“Kids, behave.” Graham sighed, feeling very tired. All he wanted to do was soak on a hot tub and maybe get a back massage, like he had been promised. “We came here to have a good time and not fight.” 

“Graham is right!” The Doctor said as she started marching towards the front desk, being followed meekly by her companions. “C’mon fam! Let’s get our shift on.” 

They were greeted by a beautiful and statuesque woman who checked them in the spa after the Doctor transferred some unit credits from her sonic. The fam had no idea how she had money but decided to not think too much about it, already feeling ecstatic about everything they would experience. Soon they were joined by a petite black woman who escorted them inside while telling them all the different facilities and activities they could do while they were there. The choices were endless and Ryan felt a little light headed at all the options they had. Soft classical music was playing in the background and several people passed them while wearing robes and drinking champagne or cucumber water.

Soon the woman brought them to the locker room where they could leave their belongings and change into their swimsuits or robes and left them soon after. Yaz, Graham and Ryan just stared at the Doctor as she started to take off her coat. She had already taken off her boots and suspenders before she noticed them staring at her. “What?” She asked with a frown on her forehead. 

“Are we supposed to undress together?” Graham asked in a high pitched voice. Fortunately the locker room was empty at the moment apart from them. 

“Yeah…?” The Doctor said like it was no big deal and like she didn’t understand all the fuss. 

“Usually on Earth the locker rooms are separated by gender.” Ryan explained and it was like a light bulb had gone off in her head. 

“Oh.” She said. “Well, the rest of the Universe isn’t so keen on gender roles or norms like you guys are.” The Doctor shrugged and continued to undress, taking off her rainbow shirt. “We are all mostly pretty loose on gender.” She snorted and motioned to her body. “Clearly.” 

“Okaaaay…” Ryan said. He still didn’t know how to react when the Doctor made allusions to having been a man in the past. “I’ll go change over there then.” He said and walked away before he ended up seeing his friend naked. 

“I’ll go that way then.” Graham said pointing to the opposite direction that Ryan went and was off, leaving Yaz and the Doctor alone. The Doctor apparently didn’t care about a little nudity but Yaz turned around anyways, not trusting herself if she saw the woman she was currently crushing on, naked in front of her. Yaz sighed as she opened her locker and started disrobing while trying not to peek behind her because that would be very rude. She had brought a modest and simple black swimsuit from home that she couldn’t remember the last time she had worn. So she put it on and braided her hair so it wouldn’t get in the way of whatever she was going to do today. Yaz had a feeling that her hair would get wet so the curls would pop up eventually. 

She finished more or less together with the rest of her friends and they gathered around to discuss plans. Both the Doctor and Graham were in fluffy white bathrobes and padded slippers while Ryan was in royal blue swimming shorts and Yaz was surprised to see that he was very fit. “So, what do you fancy?” The Doctor asked them. 

“I really need a massage.” Graham said.

“I wanted to check the pools.” Ryan piped in. 

“I want to try those chocolate baths and the coffee face masks!” The Doctor said excitedly. 

“I was thinking of going to the hot tubs.” Yaz muttered and the three of them exclaimed together. 

“Me too!” 

“How about we go do our own things and join Yaz later?” Graham said and they nodded. Soon they were all saying “until later” to each other and Yaz was alone. She walked towards her destination greeting staff and guests alike on her way there. When she reached the room, it was empty, but the tubs were working and she was excited to relax her muscles on the warm water. As soon as she stepped inside the water, a staff member came over with cherries and champagne to her and later left her alone. Yaz was sure she was in a fancy sort of heaven as she took a gulp from her champagne and settled her head against the edge of the tub with a satisfied groan. 

“Is it okay if I join you?” A raspy voice suddenly asked her and Yaz startled a bit, spilling her champagne on herself, since she didn’t heard footsteps. “Oh, I’m so sorry, it wasn’t my intention to startle you.” The voice said in an apologetic tone and Yaz turned around to face the person, placing her champagne glass next to the bowl of cherries. 

Yaz always knew she was bisexual but it was in moments like this that she was absolutely certain. The woman standing in front of her was extremely gorgeous even if a bit older than her. That wasn’t a problem for Yaz since she always felt herself get more attracted to older women than someone her own age. It was something that she didn’t want to look too closely into but she had a vague idea of what Freud would say about it, for example. Fuck Freud. She liked older woman because they were usually more confident with themselves not because she wanted to have sex with her own mother. Ew. 

The woman was clad in a black two piece swimsuit and a black see-through beach wrap and wow did she fill those out nicely. She had wide hips, tan skin, a tapered waist and full breasts. Her hair was curly, full and blond and she had amazingly great green eyes. Her eyes were those that probably changed color depending on the lighting and they also appeared to be a bit dangerous, like the woman herself. Her lips were pulled in an amused smirk which denounced that she wasn’t that apologetic like her tone of voice had previously indicated. “It’s okay.” Yaz muttered, suddenly feeling embarrassed by her reaction. It was quite difficult for someone to sneak up on her which meant this woman probably was experienced in doing this. That should scare Yaz but it actually just excited her. “It’s not your fault, I was distracted.” She gave a little tentative smile and the woman smiled back at her. 

“I bet.” She said. “This hot tub is to die for, especially if you’ve been travelling for a while.” 

“How do you know I’ve been travelling for a while?” Yaz’s gut wasn’t pointing that this woman was malicious so she was probably safe. 

“I recognize a fellow traveller when I see one.” She smiled. “Is it ok if I join you?”

“Yes, please.” Yaz motioned to the hot tub, trying so hard to appear smooth. The woman took off her beach wrap and placed it next to Yaz’s cherries and she descended her body on the water on the other side of the tub. Yaz watched all of this with great interest and in slow motion. As soon as the woman was settled, a staff member came over to her with a glass of bourbon and a bowl of ripe strawberries. “I’m Yaz.” Yaz said as she watched the woman sipping on her bourbon. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Yaz.” The blonde woman smirked. “I’m River.” With that she popped a strawberry into her mouth, closing her eyes, throwing her head back and groaning at the taste. Yaz felt her mouth dry up at the mental images it gave her. River opened her eyes and caught Yaz staring, causing her to blush and hide behind her glass of champagne. The girl didn’t see River’s smug smirk. “So Yaz, you’re from Earth right?” She asked as she took a hair tie out of her wrist and pulled her hair up in a bun so it wouldn’t get wet. 

“Yes.” Yaz frowned. “How can you tell? Are you from Earth as well?” 

“Kind of.” She said as she finished tying her hair up and grabbing her drink again. “I spend a lot of my time on Earth so I can recognize an Earthwoman when I see one.” River smirked. “I’m also an archeologist so recognizing different cultures around the Universe is literally my job.” She chuckled. 

“Oh, I guess that makes sense.” Yaz chuckled as well as she picked up a cherry from her bowl and popped one into her mouth. She instantly knew why River had moaned because she was doing it now as the fruit bursted into her mouth and released a plethora of different tastes. Her eyes widened at the onslaught on her taste buds. “Oh my god!” She exclaimed and River chuckled. 

“Yeah, Aldorian cherries will do that to you.” She said. “Same with the strawberries. They are genetically modified so it will release a higher dose of dopamine in your brain making Aldorian fruits give you instant pleasure.” 

“Oh wow.” Yaz muttered, feeling her body tingle all over and her nipples harden causing her to cross her arms to hide them. “I don’t even know where that city is.” 

“Planet.” River corrected gently. “It’s not that far from here, that’s why the spa gets their supply from them, if you don’t count the pleasure effect.” She winked at Yaz and the girl blushed even more. “So, if you don’t mind me asking, what do you do for a living, Yaz?” River asked. 

“I’m a copper.” She said proudly. 

“Oh, really?” River smirked. “We’re a match made in heaven then.” 

“Why?” Yaz frowned, confused. 

“I do love being cuffed.” River winked salaciously at Yaz and the woman didn’t know if she had any more blood on the rest of her body apart from her face. “In special occasions though and definitely not in arrest.” That comment made Yaz raise an eyebrow at her and she chuckled. “Allegedly arrest.” She winked as she popped another strawberry on her mouth. “So tell me Yaz, do you travel alone? It gets awfully lonely up in space inside a metal box.” She asked after she swallowed her strawberry. Yaz tried not to focus on how her throat moved and how a little juice escaped the corner of her lip and dripped down her chin, landing on her bare cleavage. River cleaned it up with her thumb and licked the pad as she waited for a response from Yaz that was currently feeling her brains melt. 

“I travel with my friends.” She finally responded, ungluing her eyes from the woman’s chest and filling her mouth with cherries which was a terrible idea since it only made her want to moan again at the taste. “How about you?” She asked after she swallowed, feeling her eyes almost water at the force she made to hold back a moan. 

River was smirking like she knew exactly what Yaz was going through. “I travel alone.” 

Yaz frowned. “Doesn’t it get lonely like you just said?”

River shrugs. “I might not travel with anyone but I’m usually never alone for long once I arrive places.” She winks. “I’m very good at finding good company.” River drinks the rest of her bourbon and motions to Yaz with her other hand. “Clearly.”

Yaz blushes and then frowns. It’s funny. The Doctor said the same thing with the same mannerisms earlier. “You’re a very good company also, River.” She said and River smiles at her. 

“I know that, darling.” She says and then inches closer to Yaz, plopping herself next to her but still with a respectful distance in case she didn’t want the advances. Yaz wanted the advances very much but she also always thought she was terrible at flirting. “Are you staying here for long?” River’s eyes were so fixed in hers that Yaz didn’t even noticed when a staff member came and refilled River’s bourbon and Yaz’s champagne while also placing River’s strawberry bowl next to Yaz’s cherries. 

“I’m not sure. It depends on my friends.” She whispers, feeling drawn to that woman like no other, apart from maybe the Doctor. 

“And where are they right now?” River whispered back, twirling a curl of Yaz’s dark hair in her finger as her other arm comes to rest on the edge of the tub behind Yaz’s neck. River wasn’t even touching her skin but Yaz felt her whole body go up in goosebumps. River was enticing and interesting. She was also gorgeous and was currently laying her charms on a flabbergasted but turned on Yaz. 

“I couldn’t care less.” Yaz heard herself whispering and River smiled, leaning forwards to capture Yaz’s lips in a kiss. River’s hand drops to her neck and Yaz could feel her heart soaring at the anticipation. She was a breath away from River’s mouth when the door opens abruptly and she hears a confused voice. 

“Yaz?!” It’s Ryan. Of course it’s Ryan, he is the biggest cockblock in the whole world, mainly because he can be clueless sometimes. Yaz groans as River leans away from her to look at the new arrival. 

“Your friend, I gather?” She asks as she glances back at Yaz. Although she was farther than she was a moment ago, River’s hand on still on Yaz’s neck and she was still fairly close. 

“Yeah.” Yaz mutters, feeling her cheeks burn with embarrassment. “Hi, Ryan.” She says as he looks at him. Ryan looks embarrassed too so she knows that he realized he was interrupting. 

“Sorry to interrupt.” He mutters. “But we did say we were going to meet here.” 

“I know.” She croaks out as she glances at River. River raises her eyebrow at her. “I got… Carried away.”

“I bet.” Ryan says in barely disguised snort. “I’m Ryan.” He says with a wave at River. 

River takes her hand away from Yaz’s neck and grabs her glass of bourbon as she smiles at Ryan. “Oh hello, Ryan. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” 

Yaz watches from the sidelines as River’s charm work. It was astounding to see. Ryan is instantly smitten with her and honestly, Yaz can’t blame him. 

“Would you care to join us?” She asked him as innocently as she could manage. “There’s always room for one more.” River winks at him and Ryan stutters at the proposition. She throws her head back in deep laughter and both Yaz and Ryan find themselves watching her with rapid attention. The line of her throat was an enticing sight, Yaz couldn’t deny and neither could Ryan. “In the hot tub, I mean.” She said with a salacious smile as she stopped laughing. Ryan looked dazed. “Unless you want to join us for something else.” She smirked. “I certainly wouldn’t mind.” 

Ryan didn’t had time to respond because Graham walked through the door at that same instant muttering about how they had to check out the massages because he felt like a new man. Then he looked up and realized something was amiss but he couldn’t put his finger on what. “Oh, hi.” He said as he saw River there. 

“Hello.” She smiled at him and Yaz was glad to realize that she didn’t sound flirty. She wasn’t sure if Ryan could handle someone flirting with his grandfather. “You’re right, the massages here are incredible.” River said as she downed down the rest of her drink and stepped out of the hot tub, bending down to pick up her beach wrap. Yaz almost had a heart attack at the sight of her soaking wet body. “Maybe I should check it out.” She says. “Since now I clearly don’t have a chance of having a happy ending here.” She mutters to herself and shrugs. She had just wrapped the black garment around her waist when the last of Yaz’s friends entered the room. The Doctor’s face was glowing and she had the biggest smile on her face as she drowned on her big and fluffy bathrobe. She was the most adorable thing ever. She stopped as soon as she saw River and frowned. River smiled mischievously at her as the Doctor looked around at the faces of her friends. 

“River, have you been flirting with my friends?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“In my defense I didn’t know they were your friends, sweetie.” She smirked at her. 

“Not that knowing would stop you.” The Doctor rolled her eyes at her. 

“C’mon, sweetie. Don’t look so grumpy.” She smiled and walked towards her, placing her hands on her hips and caressing the fluffy fabric. Yaz, Graham and Ryan were shocked, without an ounce of reaction, just staring at the scene unfold. “Are you wearing anything under this robe?” She asked in a whisper that was still audible enough for them to hear. “Please tell me that the answer is no.” She smirks. 

And then for the surprise of the three of them the Doctor smirked back. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” She asked in a flirty tone of voice and they could hear themselves gasp. 

River smiled at her. “I’ll find out soon enough.” She says and leans down to kiss the Doctor without hesitation and the Doctor kissed her back passionately.

“WAIT A MINUTE.” Yaz heard herself yell as she stomped out of the hot tub. The Doctor and River stop kissing and look at her. “What is happening?!” 

“Oh, I’m sorry fam.” The Doctor says. “I thought you already had met, River.” 

“We did.” Ryan piped in, equally baffled. “But like, who is she?” 

River laughs. “I’m Doctor River Song, archeologist and time traveller. Sometimes alleged criminal.” She answered. 

“She’s also my wife.” The Doctor says with a smile and River smiles back at her. 

“Wife?” Graham frowns. “We didn’t know that you were married.” 

“IF YOU’RE MARRIED WHY DID YOUR WIFE ALMOST KISSED ME?” Yaz brain was like a blue screen on a faulty computer. 

“And invited me over for a threesome?” Ryan asked in a high pitched voice. 

“She did what?!” Graham asked his grandson as he placed a hand on his heart. Everyone ignored him. 

“She does that.” The Doctor shrugs.

“It’s an open marriage, guys.” River rolls her eyes. “When you’re both time travellers it’s pointless to be jealous, especially if your timelines are all jumbled up.” Then she frowns. “Also, monogamy is almost never the norm in these parts of the galaxy.” She shrugs. “So what you’re doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” The Doctor squints her eyes at her wife. “Maybe a duchess diamond necklace for you to steal?”

River laughs. “Just pleasure today, no business.” She smiles. “You?”

“Same thing.” She smiles back. “Just a relaxing day for me and the gang.” 

“Not many of those in your schedule.” River says. “Whatever you go, danger follows.” 

“You’re one to talk.” The Doctor huffs out. 

River was going to say something else but a blast was heard and the whole building shook violently with it. Yaz blinked and River had a gun in her hand. 

“I told you.” River said in a sing song voice as she looks down at her wife that was already holding her sonic screwdriver. 

“Shut it.” The Doctor says and River smiles. 

“She’s wearing a bikini.” Graham muttered. “Where did she hid a gun?” 

“It’s best that you don’t know.” She winked at him and then she was off with the Doctor right behind her. Yaz, Graham and Ryan looked at each other dazedly from both the blast and whatever had just occurred in that hot tub room.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no ideia if this turned out in character or not. 
> 
> It's really fun to write an unabashed flirt, I am almost tempted to write River meeting Jack while 13 suffers the two flirting with each other.


End file.
